


Self Love is Hard to Learn

by trueheirofslytherin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 06:46:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11143041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trueheirofslytherin/pseuds/trueheirofslytherin
Summary: He can't remember exactly when he started caring so much about what people thought of him, but now that he did care, it consumed his life.





	Self Love is Hard to Learn

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted to write this I guess. Not to get deep or anything, but I was thinking about how I feel about myself, and I related to Asahi's behaviour. Idk.

Asahi felt too big, but his skin too small. He felt awkward around other people. His size made him feel constantly too large. Too tall, too wide; too much of him. And he hated it. He knew that it was ridiculous; knew that nobody else thought like that about him; but felt as though he just took up too much space.

He could feel eyes watching him, even when there were none. And he felt selfish for feeling that way; that he was important enough to have people's gazes naturally drawn to him. But he couldn't help it. Sure, he heard a few comment, here and there. But it certainly wasn't from every person that he passed in hallways or streets.

His slight and occasional hunch was a subconscious action. In trying to make himself smaller, he hoped to draw less attention to himself. His mother had once told him that he looked 'silly'; attempting to hide himself. She had said that he would only draw more attention that way. Asahi had silently disagreed; how can one draw attention when they are so insignificant and unseen. And that's what he tried to be.

Asahi knew that Nishinoya's constant lecturing was well-intended. His friend meant to cause no harm, and was simply trying to help; trying to motivate him. However, Asahi took every criticism to heart - no matter how small. He couldn't say that he hated himself, but there was a lot that he would change, if given the opportunity.

He felt like an outsider that was trying too hard to be included.

His stomach was always churning. With nerves. With dread. With fear. And he never truly knew why.

His friends were caring and fun, and sometimes he could forget how pointless he was; sometimes he could let go and have fun. But only sometimes. Only sometimes were his smiles genuine. And as much as he trusted each and every member of his team, and as much as he loved and cherished his family, there was nobody that he could confide in. He couldn't stand for anybody to realise just how pathetic he himself believed that he was.

Asahi was always hurting, even if he tried to ignore it. He just wished that he knew why.


End file.
